Sunday, February 10, 2013

Second Opinions

So I have about 2 more months on Lupron, then I guess it's time to figure out what's next. It's been nice not having to make any decisions lately, but I've been thinking a lot about what we should do. It was pretty unclear the last time we saw our RE. In our visits before, she had pretty much said keep trying naturally and then do IVF when you have the money. Then at our last visit she said that if my AMH still sucks when we check it next and if the hubs counts stay similar that IUI may be a better option. She was practically walking out of the room when she said this, so I didn't get to ask any questions. From what I've read online, I'm guessing that she means that with such a low AMH, IVF will probably be unsuccessful, so IUI is a better option cost wise? I'm not really sure.

Because our RE was unclear about our course of treatment and because if we did IUI we would do it at that clinic, I think we should probably have another consult with her after I finish Lupron. However, if we need IVF, we are looking at a clinic in another state (about 4 hours away) because it's about half the price of our clinic. So we should probably talk to the RE there too. Consults are just sooo expensive, I wish that we could just pick one to consult with. I guess it's a good idea to get a second opinion before spending a lot of money anyway.

I wonder what I will do if the RE's have different opinions though? RE's just seem to have such different ideas. Our friends see another RE at our same clinic and from what they say, she sounds a lot different than ours. For example, my husband's morphology is really bad (1-2% strict) and our RE said that it's not necessarily a big deal. However, our friend's morphology is the same and their RE made a really big deal out of it. I will say that his count is extremely low (like less than 1 million last SA) so I'm not sure if morphology makes more of a difference if you have less sperm to deal with?

It's just a lot of money. It seems like there should be more agreement among professionals. How do you know who to listen to? How many opinions are necessary? I guess I will just have to suck it up and pay a bunch of money for people to make me even more confused.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I have been feeling kind of crazy. This isn't a new thing. I've been like this for a while. I am the type of person that needs everything to be in order in any situation, so it makes sense that I would feel this way about infertility/ttc. The only problem is that I have no control over any of it. But I'm delusional and like to pretend that I do. So I spend hours upon hours online reading journal articles about our multiple conditions, looking at message boards for anybody who is in a similar situation that might have had success, or reading books about ttc. When I am not physically doing something, my mind is constantly on it. I'm always thinking about what our next step will be. I think about what else I can do to push the odds in our favor. I think, "the hubs needs to drink less coffee and eat more walnuts starting ASAP because I'm going to be off Lupron soon and we can start ttc again. I need to keep exercising, lose weight, and stop drinking diet soda again so that I'm as healthy as possible when we start again. What else should we be doing?"

I guess I feel like I have to do something or be thinking about it until it is resolved. I feel like I can't rest until everything is in it's place. Too bad that may never happen. I wonder if that means I will always be like this? I really hope not. I wonder how I will ever be able to move on from this place if there is no resolution?

At this point, there is literally nothing that happens that does not trigger some thought of fertility. Not a thing. While watching American Idol: "Mariah Carey, oh she had twins recently." While cleaning my kitchen: "this cleaner probably has something in it that is not good for my fertility." When talking to my sister: "I wonder when she will get pregnant?" There are literally hundreds, maybe thousands, of things daily that send my mind to that annoying place. There is no escape. The sad part is, I think it is a little better being on Lupron since we can't ttc right now. At least I don't have that even more obsessive period during the 2 week wait or the disappointment when I start my period. I've tried to meditate, exercise more, and do things that I enjoy more often to try to take at least some of the focus off of infertility. But when you can't even watch American Idol without thinking about it, what can you do?

Saturday, February 2, 2013

My Experience with Lupron (so far)

My RE suggested that I go on Lupron after my laparoscopy in July. She said that I had a lot of endometriosis (grade 3) but that they got as much as they could. She explained that endometriosis is kind of like splatter paint and that it is impossible to remove all of it with surgery. She said that the Lupron would starve the small endometrial implants of estrogen and that they would "die off." I'm always researching, so I looked for research to support the "dying off" thing. I couldn't really find much. But, I figure I'm not a RE and I hope she knows what she's doing, as much as she costs. I really wanted to see if just having the surgery helped first. She said it wouldn't hurt anything to try for 6 months before starting Lupron. Shocker: nothing happened. So, I had my first injection in December. I am having the once monthly injections and have had 2 so far. I was really expecting the worst. I mean, I've heard nothing but horror stories. Hot flashes and mood swings were the side effects I heard most often, so I was fully expecting at least those. Not to mention the horrible things you read online. I was reading crazy stories about Lupron giving people permanent bone loss or epilepsy. A little scary. I have to say I have been pleasantly surprised. I know it's not over, but I think I should be feeling side effects if I'm going to, right? The only thing that I have been experiencing is low sex drive. I'm really not sure if that is a side effect or just in my head. I mean it is pretty nice to have a break from ttc. Since I know that a baby is not going to result plus the fact that last 30 months have consisted of way too much BDing, not feeling into it may not be due to the medication. I am doing the add-back therapy, so maybe that is helping too. Does anyone have any interesting experiences with Lupron?