Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I thought I should address the name of my blog sometime. Now seems like a good time. So, there were lots of names I had in mind. This name won because I can't count how many times I have heard this. As in "it will happen, someday" or "it will happen, some way or another." I know people don't know what to say and that this seems encouraging. However, it is not. I don't know what the right thing to say is. In fact, if I were in the position of others, this might be something I would say. It is just frustrating. I mean, I know something will happen. I have some control over my life. If I do not get pregnant, I am fully aware that there are other options. I realize that I will someday have children, "somehow." But I, unlike the people who are giving me these words of "encouragement," have been trying for it to happen for THIRTY long months. Thirty months of taking my temperature, timing sex, avoiding alcohol, trying different diets, having my blood taken a million times, surgery, medications, acupuncture, and peeing on sticks, only to get a big fat negative thirty times. So I'm sorry that it is not comforting to hear that it will happen for me too, someday, from someone who's "someday" happened in one month. Now that was negative, but it makes me feel better!
Monday, January 28, 2013
I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. I'm not hugely obese or anything, but I could stand to lose 30 (or 40) pounds. I have gained a few pounds over the past couple of years ttc. It is hard for me to focus on changing a lot of things at once. Therefore, while I was trying to change my eating habits to eat more healthfully for fertility, I was not paying attention to calories. Peanut butter is healthy, right? Anyway, I am now suffering the consequences. Since I am on Lupron for the next couple of months, I figured it was a good time to try to focus more on the weight loss part. So I started counting calories. Since I'm counting calories, I haven't really been too focused on the amount of nutrition in my meals. Do I want a 380 calorie salad, or a 380 calorie french bread pizza? Pizza every time. So, I know this isn't necessarily the best approach, but if I have to choose one, I think I will choose losing weight first. However, my goal is to try to keep losing weight and to try to eat a few more healthy meals in the next couple of months.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Lately, good days have been few and far between. I am trying to have a more positive attitude lately and I think it's really helping. Don't get me wrong, my last post was definitely a rant after a very bad day. I just feel like I'm having a few more good days recently. Maybe it's the fact that I'm on Lupron and can't get pregnant right now so I don't have the stress I usually do. Maybe I'm finally making peace with the fact that it may never happen for us naturally. Or maybe my conscious effort to really take care of myself more and to think more positively about life in general is paying off. Whatever it is, I'm happy to have some fun days so the crappy days don't take over my life.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
So I recently had a bad experience at a baby shower. It was after work for one of my co-workers. I should mention that most of my co-workers have children, are pregnant, or are 24 and "not ready" yet. I should also mention that at least 2 people at a time have been pregnant over the last two an a half years we have been trying. My workplace is a cause of constant annoyance and/or sadness. I thought that I was okay with the shower since I am constantly surrounded by these annoyances. Pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing are the topic 99% of the time. I felt like since work was like a baby shower everyday, I should be fine. I was wrong. I made it through for about an hour, but then I had to get out. I made it to the car, then I lost it. It was unexpected. I haven't actually cried about any infertility stuff in a while, so I guess I was due. I just couldn't take all of the "you have to bring this thing to the hospital", and the "you won't sleep for years," and so on. The problem is that I have another one next week! I absolutely cannot go to this one! Not just because I can't take the situation again, but because this one will probably a million times worse. The girl who is pregnant did not know she was pregnant until she was 23 weeks along! She is always talking about how "traumatic" it was because she wasn't ready. I'm sure everyone at the shower will have to know all about the "funny" story of how she didn't know she was pregnant. Yeah, real funny.
This is my first post! I am excited to start this blog. I feel like I am thinking about this crap all of the time, so I might as well write about it! Sounds healthy, right? Anyway, my goal for this blog is to be a: 1) place I can vent my frustrations, 2) keep track of our journey, 3) keep track of all of the info that I come across. I hope that this might be helpful to someone other than me!